Have you heard the Gray Anatomy & its Story:
A dashing young doctor unintentionally falls for his beautiful co-worker. They begin a tumultuous relationship, filled with drama from a reappearing ex who also happens to be a doctor with flirtatious exchanges in elevators, nosey co-workers, secret sisters, and the occasional plane crash or bomb explosion. Inevitably, they get through it all and marry each other, have children of their own, and live happily ever after. But this is in the books not in real life.
Doctors graduation,(just the MBBS) takes about 6 years and in many cases, about 7 years. So literally, turns from a teenager at the time of admission to a full-blown adult in their mid to late twenties. No undergraduate course is close to this time period.
As a result, you spend a lot of time with the same people, under the same roof. So many relationships develop in this time and lots of them culminate into marriages.
Also, all of the doctors at the start of their careers and lots of doctors till the end of their careers, don’t have any work-life balance. A person literally may have to leave a family function or during dinner or at midnight to attend to patients.
Add to this odd working hours, and many times, a 24-hour shift!!
While somewhat ridiculous in Gray’s Anatomy, the fable isn’t completely fictional. In fact, roughly 40% of physicians end up marrying other physicians. This isn’t very surprising when you take into account the amount of time upcoming doctors have to spend together. Years of medical training, long hours in the hospital and little time outside of work can develop close friendships and, yes, even relationships among colleagues. Doctors marrying other doctors has been a trend for many years, and statistics indicate that the amount of dual-physician marriages will continue to grow in the future.
Every marriage faces difficulties, but the union of two physicians comes with challenges that are unique to their shared medical careers. It has been long established that nearly all physicians experience burnout in the job field; two marrying each other heightens the risk that one or both will have this symptom. Another challenge is having to deal with double the amount of medical school debt, which can put a financial strain on the couple. In addition, finding a healthy work-life balance and a schedule that accommodates the lives of two busy physicians can be overwhelming. Another set of challenges to face, like finding reliable childcare and taking time off of work for dance recitals, soccer games, sicknesses, family vacations, etc.
In addition to the obvious challenges, being married to a physician can have emotional drawbacks. A demanding work schedule can keep wedded physicians from spending quality time together. Plus, the nature of the job requires physicians to be controlling, decisive, and at times detached from their emotions. These characteristics can be hard to ‘switch off’ as soon as you go home at the end of a long day.
Are you bummed out yet? Don’t lose hope: there are plenty of positive aspects of dual-physician marriages that counteract the negatives. Perhaps one of the greatest benefits of physicians marrying physicians is having a deeper understanding of each other’s work experiences. You don’t have to thoroughly explain or dumb down medical jargon to your partner when they work in the same profession, therefore making communication easier. Having this understanding can help wedded physicians relate to the struggles their partner is going through as a fellow medical professional. Many married physicians describe this as having someone “in the trenches” with you. This shared perspective and passion provide an emotional and psychological benefit that partners in differing job fields may not experience.
There are plenty of ways to make dual-physician relationships and marriages last.
Have outside support. It’s important for wedded physicians to have a network of people outside their jobs whom they can rely on for support or childcare if needed. This can come from family members, friends, church groups, neighbors, etc.
As mentioned earlier, accommodating the lives of two busy physicians can be chaotic. Planning out your week (or month) in advance can help wedded physicians stay on top of their work and home life.
Compromise & adjustment is the key. Understand that you and your partner both have demanding lifestyles. Be willing to divvy up household chores and childcare so that one partner isn’t overloaded with tasks.
Make time for each other. As you go through the motions of your daily routine, it can be easy to get caught up in the day-to-day tasks and lose sight of what is really important. Make an effort to carve out time in each other’s schedules so you can spend quality time together and communicate openly.
Make time for yourself. The demands of medical work, finances, family life, and marriage can quickly become overwhelming. Understand that your mental health and stability are important and take time to relax and de-stress. Pursue a hobby that takes your mind off of life’s demands or go for a run, read a book, or get a massage. There are plenty of ways to replenish and rejuvenate yourself, in turn making you a better physician, parent, co-worker, and spouse.
For a non-medical professional, this gets difficult to cope with and may result in fights. Some MBBS students make relationships outside of the medical circle and have gotten into fights and breakups because studies demand too much time and the other person may get uncomfortable and irritated due to prolonged absence. So, another reason doctors marry doctors is because they know what ship they are in and have tolerance and patience for these kinds of absences.
Do read Elizabeth Sirfiet’s When Doctors Marry….
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